why do i feel like i need to change myself, you ask. because i feel like if i don’t learn how to change, you’ll leave. you’ll get bored with my constant whinning, and you’ll leave. you’ll get so scared that i’m going to hurt you, so you’ll leave before i ever have the chance to say “don’t go, i love you.” i’m not mad at you for posting that blog, i’m actually relieved that you told me how you feel. i just got a little bit upset because i thought everything was perfect again and we were just right, then i see that you are pin-pointing every one of my flaws like it’s no biggie fry. i know that you didn’t mean it in a bad way, i know that, so don’t think that i’m mad at you. i don’t want to fight about this. and i’m sorry if the tone of this sounds angry, it’s not. you know that we could never be best friends with anyone else. i plan on sticking around. why? because you’re the best best friend i’ve ever had. and i know that i have a past of leaving every so often and finding a new best friend, but that’s not the case with you. the only reason i have left in the past was because i was too afraid that they would leave me, so i ended it before i had the chance to get hurt from it. but with you, i know that you’re never going to leave, it’s against everything you’re about, you don’t have the capability to let someone go. so i know that i have nothing to worry about, and i know that i’m not going to get hurt, so i’ve stayed with you, and with you is where i’ll stay forever. we have the closest friendship than anyone else i have ever known. i know that people say “i don’t know what i would do without you” a lot to their boyfriends and girlfriends and best friends, but honestly, i don’t know what i would do without you. i’ve never in my life felt so loved. and i never will feel as loved as i do when i’m with you. because no one else has the room in their heart to let me in as much as you have. i won’t course through other people’s viens like i do yours. i love you, nikki. you’re my best friend.
