YOU DON’T CARE A BIT
Here’s the thing, you say you care so much about me, but you have absoultely never shown any sign of caring or any other good emotion toward me other than kissing me on occasion. I’m sick of giving you second, third, hundreds of chances. All for what? You criticizing every move I make. You making me feel like absolute shit everyday. So, what am I doing here? I should have left a long time ago. But I can’t. I can’t find it in myself to leave you. Why, you ask? Because I fucking love you. Go fucking figure. You’ve cheated on me. Lied to me. Stolen from me. Talked shit about me. You must think it’s fun to toy with me like this. Taking every emotion and using it against me. Because you know no matter you do to me, no matter how much you hurt me, how much you make me hate you, you know I won’t leave you. And you’re right. I think that’s the hardest part about this whole relationship. I can’t leave you. I can’t make myself want a better life, though I’ve been told I deserve better than you. So I will stick it out until you shatter me completely. I will love you until you decide you don’t want to try anymore. I love you, Anson. Because I think everything about you as a person is perfect. But everything about you as a boyfriend is flawed.
And the worst part is…you don’t care a bit.
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my amount is little, but my support is sincere.
you’re a melody soaring softly through my atmosphere.
<3
Love of mine someday you will die, but i’ll be close behind, I’ll follow you into the dark
why?
so i’ve been away from tumblr for a while and i was going through all of the pages of things i’ve missed while i’ve been absent and i can’t help but feel sad when reading your posts, nikki. not just sad. but a little bit upset. especially after i read the one named “eventually; a tribute to the past.” that one really got me. why do you constantly write and think about what it’s going to be like when i’m gone? when we aren’t friends anymore. when i decide that you’re not good enough and i pack up my things and leave. why do you always try and plan your life for when i’m not going to be by your side? why don’t you try planning what we’re going to do for the rest of our lives with me at your side and you at mine? please stop thinking that i haven’t changed. that i’m still not capable of forever.
why do you want so much for me to leave?
why do you want so much for me to prove you right?
one month in hell
The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly,
But I’ll miss your arms around me
I’ll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.
I watch the night turn light blue,
But it’s not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn’t so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.
I’ll find opposing new ways,
Though I haven’t slept in two days,
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I’ll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don’t feel so alone.
I don’t feel so alone.
I don’t feel so alone.
As many times as I blink I’ll think of you… tonight.
I’ll think of you tonight.
When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I’ll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won’t forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I’d whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here.
spare us the rescue, we’re not lost we just go where we want. when we roll we roll deep and we sink twice as low. i can walk, i can walk on my own two knees. it takes, takes some, takes some dying to feel alive. spare us the rescue, a friend in need is a friend i don’t need. we’ve made peace with our lovely disease. crawled out of my tunnel vision to find it all, all went, all went wrong but it feels alright. back on the street, a mile up in the sky. i’m close with my demons, there’s no need to hide. i’ve worn out my sins i need new ones to shine. it takes, takes some, takes some dying to feel alive. didn’t we enjoy ourselves when we destroyed ourselves. whatever happens we’re fine. we’re on our last life, we’ll make no compromise. whatever happens we’re fine, so spare us the rescue. where have we been? where will we go so far? i’m not distant but this distance makes all the difference to me. who have we been? who will we be so far? it’s not visible but we’re perfectly comfortable here.
didn’t we enjoy ourselves when we destroyed ourselves? whatever happens we’re fine. we’re on our last life, we’ll make no compromise. whatever happens we’re fine.
no one’s good enough
so i was facebook stalking as usual and i was looking at pictures of some guy i don’t know and i immediately drew the conclusion in my mind that i would never date him, even though i didn’t know him. then i caught myself thinking this and i wondered why i had drawn that conclusion in the first place. then i realized that this guy had a pimple on his cheek. and because of that one imperfection, i couldn’t be seen dating him. now it has me thinking and ranting. so now i’m taking a step back and analyzing every guy i’ve ever met, dated, wanted to date, didn’t want to date, even just seen for a brief passing in a place where i’ll never see them again. i notice that i have a tendency to test every guy within the first 3 seconds of seeing them. this test is to prove to me that i would be okay being seen with you in public. i say to myself “are there any major apperance issues that might cause people to ridicule me for ever think about dating them?” if the answer is no, then thanks for playing, but you’re being voted off the island. if the answer is yes, then congrats, you have another shot at love with sarah abrahamson. are you interested? if yes, then i find any other possible behavior issues that might cause me to not want you to hang out with my friends because they’ll think you’re dumb. if i find something, good game, but you are the weakest link, goodbye. if i don’t, then you’re gonna be on the next episode. fighting for my love. well it’s the semi-finals and you’ve almost made it! now it’s time to meet my bitch side, hope you’re ready. if you make me seem like more of a bitch, or act like you don’t give a fuck, then you will not be recieving a rose tonight. if you handle it the way i find fitting for you in general, then you’re going to the season finale, i hope you win! then i’ll ask you to marry me, and it’ll be your choice. if you decide that you wanted to be here just for the publicity, and not really for me, then you really know how to turn a bitch’s game around on herself, and for that i applaud you, and for that, i mourn your rejection. but if you say yes, oh boy you’ve hit the jackpot! and you better love every second of it. but wait, the tests are over. if you were to be so lucky as to make it to season 2, i would look in your eyes constantly, watch your every move. if your eyes say “i don’t really like you, but i think you’re hot,” then you’re done. but…if you’re eyes say “i’m really happy i’m here right now with you, i wish this could last forever, i love you,” then by george! you must be an angel, or a damn good trickster. i would then test the sex. if it’s good, you’re home free. if it’s bad though, pack up your shit and leave. then if you make it past that stage, i then look back into your eyes and if they say “now that she gave it up, i don’t have to try to like her anymore,” then fuck you. i had complete faith in you. but if you miraculously have eyes that say “i love her more than ever.” then i’m pretty sure i’m dreaming. but you’ll leave. and i’ll tell myself that i need you. then a month later i’ll look back and think, “why did i even like them, they weren’t good enough.”
no one’s good enough.
except you, nikki. you’re good enough.
Photo reblogged from jumblin' da boat, word? with 1 note
don’t let go.
this amazes me.
Source: burnyourmemories
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